Christie Dondero Bettwy 0:00
Churches have a really, really powerful platform that not all of them are using and I think talking about those things from the pulpit, and from the front, you're amazed as it comes out of the woodwork. So we'll talk about this I know later but with Rock Recovery, we run this program now New ID and a couple others. And we've run it at churches where like 35, women came 30 of whom had never sought help before. But because their church mentioned it, and they felt safe at their church. They were like, oh, go to this thing. I mean, some of them struggled for decades, like for decades, and so it's a huge opportunity.
Laura Howe 0:35
For Hope Made Strong, this The Care Ministry Podcast, a show about equipping ministry leaders, and transforming communities through care. Supporting those in your church and community not only changes individuals' lives, but it grows and strengthens the church. But we want to do that without burning out. So listen in as we learn about tools, strategies and resources that will equip your team and strengthen hope.
I'm Laura Howe and on the show today we're going to be talking about eating disorders. And I am so excited to introduce you to Christie Dondero Bettwy from Rock Recovery. And if I had to label my relationship with food, I would say that it's complicated. I'm a typical GenXer who grew up in the culture that slimed us with ideas and opinions of what a body should look like and what healthy eating is.
I've lived through the days of these crazy fad diets, including the low-fat diet, which was pretty much all sugar, the cabbage soup diet, and does anyone else remember the SlimFast diet? All of these were in my house as my mom pursued weight loss. Things like Jenny Craig Weight Watchers and those awkward exercise VHS tapes that would come in the mail all subtly influenced my body image.
And I didn't realize how impacted I was until about four years ago, when I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder that dramatically impacted my weight. Up until my 30s I was naturally thin I could eat anything and get away with it and it bugged so many people, but with age and a diagnosis of celiac disease. In the course of about nine months, I gained over 20 pounds almost 30 I think.
Dieticians assured me that my body was healthier because I was no longer malnutrition because of celiac disease and I was now absorbing nutrients that my body desperately needed. But the body image issues that I thought I was immune to came back in a flood. I was now considered overweight and I felt out of control. I was healing as I was healing from this disease means I was gaining weight.
At 37 I came face to face with all the negative thoughts about my body that most people face as a teenager. And oh my goodness, it was so so hard. I had to continually remind myself that my body is not bad I was created by God my body is beautiful, but those misguided messages from growing up in the 90s.
And not to mention those teachings that I heard in church like the flesh is not good or the body needs to be put into submission, and that my body is just a vessel that we are spirit beings messed me up as I navigated the massive changes in my body and eating habits.
God created food to be delicious and as fuel food cannot be good or bad. Our bodies are designed in such a way that they signal us when we need rest or support, or comfort. They allow us to express worship, love and joy.
Our bodies are not something to be hated or most tolerated. God created us we are soul and body. It is fearfully and wonderfully made. But this is hard to live out when what we see in the mirror doesn't look like the cultural labels of beautiful.
This is Eating Disorders Awareness Week and I know many of you have faced or are facing similar challenges with body image and food. The messages of our culture in and out of the church have perpetuated an unhealthy and distorted view of food and of our bodies. I invited Christie from Rock Recovery to share her story as well as how they support churches and individuals.
Christie grew up in Pennsylvania then moved to Texas as a preteen with her parents and her sister. Her family was Catholic and while that provided a foundation of God that God is real and and that Jesus is God's Son. As a student, she remembers more than messages of fear and shame rather than hope and love. After meeting a cute boy in a bar who invited her to church, Christie was shocked by meeting Christians who are friendly, fun, and open about their struggles. The people were so different to what she thought Christians were like, at this point, Christie had been struggling with an eating disorder for quite a while. And it just so happened that on that very first Sunday that she went, they announced a group to support those who struggle with body image and food.
Christie Dondero Bettwy 5:33
I had really been struggling with an eating disorder for a long time but didn't necessarily put words to it. And so the first time I went to this church, a lovely British woman named Kim Hemsley who runs a program, named New ID got up and made an announcement saying, I'm starting this six-week group for people who struggle with, you know, food and body image and eating disorders complete freedom as possible, like talk to me after church.
And I remember hearing her talk and I was really struggling with anxiety with my eating disorder with lots of different things. And I was like, I don't think complete freedom is possible. But six weeks, like, sure, I'll go if I can get better in six weeks, what could go wrong? And obviously, one cannot get better in six weeks.
But yeah, I sort of got tricked into that, too. I say God tricked me twice, once with the cute guy at the bar and then once with me thinking I had this super efficient, like, like, problem-solving thing for my life. And so that was really kind of what kept me there was that program has totally transformed me and changed my life.
Laura Howe 6:30
I love that. And that wasn't announced from a Sunday morning.
Christie Dondero Bettwy 6:32
Yeah, I just happen to go. I love the first day that they were announcing it. I started the next week, you know, all God's providence at play? For sure. Yeah,
Laura Howe 6:43
That is cool because so often those small groups, those support groups are those mental health groups are, you know, sober recovery or grief share, all of those groups are relegated to the back corner, or a pamphlet, or, you know, a bulletin announcement or on the website. And but when it was announced from the stage on a Sunday morning, given space, and saying this is a safe place, come find support here. That's what I love that and that is why there's a message in there. And that for me, I
Christie Dondero Bettwy 7:14
And that for me, I mean, again, talk about, I was literally the poster child for the program for a long time. Because you know, I came through it, I wasn't even a person of faith necessarily at myself, I think, you know, God was working, but I wasn't necessarily like checking the boxes yet or anything. But as I was just sort of like, oh, well, I'm allowed to have flaws here and I don't need to be ashamed of them.
And that is, as you know, the power of these groups in different pieces, when you come together in a thing that can be pretty isolating and feels shameful. And other people are like, oh, yeah, no, me too, like I struggled to. And it's not just you. It just gosh, it was so healing and so powerful. And just so encouraging and I think churches have a really, really powerful platform that not all of them are using. And I think talking about those things from the pulpit and from the front, you're amazed at what comes out of the woodwork.
So we'll talk about this I know later. But with Rock Recovery, we run this program now New ID and a couple others, and we've run it at churches where like 35, women came 30 of whom had never sought help before. But because their church mentioned it, and they felt safe at their church. They were like, oh, go to this thing. I mean, some of them I struggled for decades, like for decades and so it's a huge opportunity. Yeah.
Laura Howe 8:26
That's cool. We'll definitely we'll get there. But I want to hear a little bit how you came to be running Rock Recovery and leading that organization. So there's a big gap there between living for you know, your, you know, making the decision to live for God and recognizing that there's support out there to now leading the organization. It's a pretty cool story. So can you kind of do like a little bit of a recap of what that journey was white? Sure.
Christie Dondero Bettwy 8:54
I'll try to give you the Cliff's Notes version. So yeah, I mean, for me, so I struggled with an eating disorder from age 13 to 23ish, I would say this New ID program that I went through at that church was a huge catalyst for me in my recovery. And it's both, I think, is really a blessing that I came to faith and recovered at the same time and it has its various challenges. I think whenever I share my story, you know, a lot of it is life got a lot better once I met the Lord and got a lot better once I went through recovery, and sometimes it's all jumbled together and it's hard to differentiate what's what I mean, it was all by God's grace so I don't feel the need to parse it out too much.
But I think a lot of people can feel really guilty if they are struggling with something. They've been Christians their whole life. And I'm like, no, my story's just different like it wasn't like this before and after life is still hard things are still complicated but I always like to talk about that because yes, my life totally transformed and changed and yet, like I'm still human, and have my flaws and things that I'm working on and you know, with God's grace every day. But as I went through recovery, and sort of a two-year time period where I sat outpatient treatment or to the therapist I just got better, and then was really starting to feel led to do something to help other people, I had a lot of privilege and my parents put money into my account every week and paid for my treatment, which was lovely. They were very supportive and they could do that.
But a couple years into my treatment, I ran into a woman that I had done that New ID course with a couple years earlier, and she was just where she was when we started that program two years earlier and I mean, my life had totally transformed like, I had joy again, I was healthy again. I mean, I just had kind of come back to life.
And it really shook me that, you know, we met at the same place, and she was just where she was and hadn't made any progress and the big difference was, she couldn't afford treatment. And she didn't have someone who can help pay for it for her and so that's how I kind of felt like a nudge to look into like, well, what exists for people who need affordable treatment and help with eating disorders and turns out not a lot, there were a few things. I found Rock Recovery had just been founded a couple months earlier by our amazing founder, Carrie Larsen and I was coming up to DC from North Carolina for a wedding and I just emailed her out of the blue was like, Hey, do you want to meet like I really curious about what you're doing and met her at a Panera. And just we were holding hands and praying within about like, 37 seconds and I just like fell in love with her and this mission that she has and decided I want to be a part of it.
So shortly after that, a stranger prayed for me, after church and Charlotte, and like, prophesied over me and said, You know, I feel like God's telling you, you're going to bring freedom from freedom to the captives and like, bring people out of prison in a place where you've been recently held captive. Does that mean anything to you? And I'm just like, sobbing. I'm like, yeah. So I wound up, moving up here to DC, volunteering as Rock Recovery for a couple of years, then raised my own salary to come on staff back in 2013. And it's my 10-year anniversary on staff as of this April.
Laura Howe 11:51
Wow, yeah, that was the call notes. Oh, my God, I'm so there's so many things. I want to pick up on there's so much more there.
Christie Dondero Bettwy 12:01
It could take days, but yes, that is.
Laura Howe 12:07
Awesome. Okay, so tell me a little bit more about Rock Recovery.
Christie Dondero Bettwy 12:12
Yeah, thank you my favorite thing to talk about other than my daughter, and Jesus, but I always joke, I pity the person on the plane who asked what I do for a living because I'm like, well, we got time. So Rock Recovery is wonderful. And I always joke, you know, I didn't birth it, I adopted it. And so I feel like, well, I am, of course biased. I've been here for over 10 years on stuff, I do just love this organization. So we're super unique. And we are a faith based organization and our doors are also really open wide to serving the whole community so we have a lot of people coming to us who aren't necessarily people of faith themselves. But our main goal is to bridge gaps that keep people from getting the help they need and deserve and that keeps them held in captivity and keeps them from being free. So we offer a lot of sliding scale programs, both therapy groups and individual services for teens and adults and then we offer faith-based support groups like the New ID group that I mentioned, that we run virtually, and in person that are available kind of worldwide, really to anywhere, and anyone that helps people integrate their faith in a beautiful healing way cause as you know, it's tough to bring in faith and mental health sometimes. So that's one of our big patches.
Laura Howe 13:18
That's so exciting. So can I just you said that really quickly, I just want to recap. So you provide this okay. I just want to make sure I'm absorbing information. So you are a physical center that provides treatment on a sliding scale, that you do regional groups, as well as you have an online portion where you provide groups in a virtual setting, is that correct?
Christie Dondero Bettwy 13:43
It is 92%? Correct? Yes. We also do our therapy groups. We also have online programs that are available to people in Virginia, DC and Maryland across the whole state for our therapy groups and services.
Laura Howe 13:56
So COVID did help with that.Yes. And that's because your counselors are licensed in those three states. Fantastic!! Okay
Christie Dondero Bettwy 14:03
As there is reproprocity that might change. You know, I think there is some hope that there'll be some of that coming down the pike. But yeah, for now, that's where we're able to serve people. Yeah.
Laura Howe 14:10
And for people who don't know what reproco... I can't even say that word repperproscity. Rerpropocity
Christie Dondero Bettwy 14:15
I know.
Laura Howe 14:21
It's a marble word marbles in your mouth. It's allowing people to extend an offer clinical support outside of their state and it's an agreement between the states that they're recognizing the licensure of their professional health professionals. So that's what that is just for people who are like, what was that? But for now, it's in DC, Virginia, in North Carolina, is that correct?
Christie Dondero Bettwy 14:45
And we went to bandwidth clinics. So that is you just prophesying over us, but DC Virginia and Maryland by North Carolina. I don't think I've ever told you that. So look at you look at the Spirit working through you. We're gonna go next. The next goal is North Carolina but we're raising funds and figuring that out right now. Yeah.
Laura Howe 15:01
Oh, so good. Okay, so for people who are listening and are thinking, Oh, my goodness, this is just a physical treatment center, I don't have access to this, I can't afford this. That's not true, you do have virtual options for people.
Christie Dondero Bettwy 15:14
Which is really the blessing of, you know, COVID was that we moved everything virtually really overnight. And now we're a hybrid for sure, we do a lot of things in person, a lot of things virtually, it is really beautiful to be, you know, here around our table eating a meal together with our clients and if we're all spread out in different areas that might we're very unique in what we offer, a lot of places don't actually hardly anyone does what we do. So, it's hard to find support like this and so we love that we can reach people pretty much anywhere, depending on the surface with the virtual work.
Laura Howe 15:45
Now, I want to get into some of like, the biblical perspective and talking about eating disorders from that. But first, I want to just solidify and land on what it is that you are for. So if someone is saying, Okay, so I'm listening, I have someone in my church who is struggling, and they are within those states, how can they connect?
Christie Dondero Bettwy 16:03
So our websites, the best place to probably start, which is rockrecoveryed dot org We're also on social media.
Laura Howe 16:10
And we'll link that and we'll put all those social media links, your website links in the show notes,
Christie Dondero Bettwy 16:14
Great! Yeah. And the first step for someone interested in our clinical programs is filling out an online quick forum and doing a 20-minute 30-minute assessment, which is free with one of our therapists. So that's for our therapy groups, which we do body image therapy, meal support therapy, and individual therapy.
Laura Howe 16:33
And then for those who are saying, oh, go ahead and
Christie Dondero Bettwy 16:36
And then for our face support programs that are available anywhere, they're basically all on our website, and you can sort of just sign up without any screening, because that's more just support not true treatment. So it's a little bit less screening required, because our treatment programs are meant for people who are medically stable and just need outpatient care and some people might need a bit more than we offer. So we like to always screen and make sure we're what we're the right fit for somebody.
Laura Howe 17:01
Definitely. And then you said your face support is in-person and online
Christie Dondero Bettwy 17:07
and online. Yes. So it's something that we try to offer with churches nationwide, we can train people, we've gotten manuals, and after that, and then our people run it here in the DC metro area in person and then virtually as well.
Laura Howe 17:20
Okay, so I get it. So it's not like people zoom in to your group, you do a train the trainer so that churches or local communities run the group?
Christie Dondero Bettwy 17:29
It's both we also, I know, complicated. I see I told you a cliff notes are hard. But yeah, so are we always have something running virtually, that people do zoom into, we have a weekly devotional group on Thursday mornings called set free. And then I run our New ID course, virtually quarterly. And then we have other groups called lasting freedom, that focus on things like body image, intuitive eating, and then holiday support. So we run those six-week groups three times a year. So lots going on all the time, thanks to the Holy Spirit and the Internet and Zoom. So there are lots of options bvut it's been great. I mean, we've had people across the nation and you know, missionaries in different countries who have nothing where they are able to access this, which has just been so cool, so cool!
Laura Howe 18:13
Yeah, yeah. So this doesn't depend on if you're rural or low income or anything like that you have access to faith-based support, through rock recovery. That's really great.
Christie Dondero Bettwy 18:24
Yes, thanks to our generous donors, and all the people that helped make it possible. Yeah, that's sliding scale is definitely such a gift and the majority of our clients are on a pretty significant sliding scale. Yeah.
Laura Howe 18:33
Yeah. So good. Okay. So now that that, you know, kind of the housekeeping of where people can access you, I want to dive into this idea of, of body image intuitive eating, eating disorders, because people often ask, okay, where does it talk about this in the Bible? How do we support people? How do we connect and offer and encouragement to people who are struggling with this because they're just not quite sure?
Are you able to give us like a mini-sermon or idea of what you know, the biblical approach, or what you feel the Bible talk how the Bible talks about eating disorders?
Christie Dondero Bettwy 19:09
Absolutely. And that's, you know, I think the Bible does talk about our bodies. And I think a lot of us feel various shame around our bodies. But you know, Jesus took on a body. So just the incarnation itself shows us that there is a lot of dignity to living in our bodies. There's a lot of times I think, where we think we accidentally get into a dualism of like, oh, bodies are all bad, or bodies are all this right. And that's how you live. Yeah,
Laura Howe 19:35
Let's submit like, press down the flesh that always the flesh has been negative and really, it's not Yeah,
Christie Dondero Bettwy 19:41
There's, there's goodness like this thinking about, you know, eating and drinking and all the things that Jesus did. It's like, there's also joy and breaking bread with people and there's something really beautiful about that. So I think we've occasionally missed that message and I think there's something we talk a lot here at Rock Recovery called diet culture, which is basically the belief that thin is better and all these things which are just not true.
But it's kind of the culture and a scripture we talk a lot about is, you know, Romans don't conform to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. And I think all of us have been pretty shaped by the diet culture message, which is not a biblical one that does not honor or desire smaller bodies over larger ones, right? Like that is not true and I think there's a lot of misguided teachings even about gluttony and things for people who might be struggling with binge eating, that is not the same thing as gluttony. So I think that we could talk for a long time about this. But yeah, there's a lot of really,
Laura Howe 20:37
I'm just like, oh, I want to talk more about that. I want to talk more about that. And, and when we're recording, it is January when we're recording and right now, I don't know about you, or anybody else, you probably have muted at all, because you're like sick of seeing it but the intensity of diet and New Year New Me and Fitness and you know, all of these things, it is there's a high pressure to like you said conform to that standard of the world. Yeah, it's pretty intense.
Christie Dondero Bettwy 21:06
It was really intense. And it's easy to slip into, you know, even as even as Christians it's like, again, I think it sneaks in I know, it just takes into the culture and we don't realize we're necessarily doing it because of course, we want to be healthy. We want to run the race. Well, we want to care for our bodies, we want to do all the things but restricting food actually probably isn't helping that right. Like probably as an actually caring for our well-being, being balanced and moderate and mindful and caring for our bodies. Yeah, of course, but not in the way the culture tells us we should or need to, which is really, I mean, people get real mad at me when I say this sometimes at trainings, because it's been so hammered into us for so long, it feels it feels really scary to say there's a different way to live sometimes, you know.
Laura Howe 21:50
So as a local church, what is something? What what language or what is something that they could do to support healthy approaches to eating and healthy approaches to body?
Christie Dondero Bettwy 22:04
Yeah, I think one of the things is by not doing things. So I've seen some churches do weight loss, like community things, and we are just very anti-weight loss for lots of reasons, one of which is because weight loss often doesn't work right and often isn't the solution to the problems and often isn't sustainable then leaves people feeling ashamed. And like they're the problem for a lot of theirs is really interesting and I won't go into the neurobiology too, too much.
But there's a really interesting amount of research showing in our field, that restriction actually causes binging and for people to feel out of control around food. So so often we're like, oh, I have no willpower. What's wrong with me? It's like, No, it's not us like it's the fact that we're restricting things in our bodies trying to help us out because God created us to be fueled and fed well, and so they're just lots of I think weight loss, talking about bodies, you know, encouraging weight loss, I think is a big no, no, it is just it isn't never helpful and I think pretty much always harmful to people.
Laura Howe 23:06
It is never helpful to talk about weight loss.
Christie Dondero Bettwy 23:09
Yeah, especially like.
Laura Howe 23:10
Let's just pause on that like, using as analogies, self-deprecating jokes from the pastor, all of those things you hear in the subtleties, conversations in the subtleties of of stories and things.
Christie Dondero Bettwy 23:25
And you know, when people hear that, depending on what their body size or shape might be, there could be comparison, there could be more judgement, shame, right left on that, where you're a human.
Laura Howe 23:38
Like, when a friend is like, oh, my gosh, I'm trying to lose weight. And I'm looking at that I'm like, I am at least 20 to 30 pounds heavier than they must think I need to lose weight like you do those comparisons. So by, you know, oh, it's so good. Yeah, it's a good reminder.
Christie Dondero Bettwy 23:53
And we were all created to be a different way. You know, we're not trying at least here, we're not trying to change our shoe size. And we really do believe there is when you're when you're nourishing yourself, well, when you're moving well, when you're taking care of your body, your body will pretty much regulate within a certain range and that might be vastly different than the person next to you and that's okay. God created is really uniquely in diversity and beautifully were fearfully and wonderfully made. Right? And there's real intention and how we're created and that's good.
Laura Howe 24:20
I love that. I love that. Okay, what's something else out as a local church, those who are listening, okay, how can I support those if I have a young person or an individual an adult who is who, you know, has struggles or is struggling with this? How can I support them?
Christie Dondero Bettwy 24:37
Yeah, I think knowing your limits, so knowing when to refer out as well getting a good referral list for therapists who are actually specialized to treat eating disorders. One thing I feel very protective of our clients and of people who seek help for this because not all therapists are trained in helping those with eating disorders and it's really important to find someone who is so knowing who to refer to and how to refer out I think there's a lot of pressure on the church to kind of be all the things to all the people in like, the churches can't.
The church is wonderful. I'm married to a pastor, I love the church. But like you can't do all the things. So it's good to know who to refer to, and how to refer out and just being willing to have the hard conversations. And I love the phrase, you know, mental illness is not a casserole disease, right? Like when someone has cancer or has a baby, or has a surgery, everyone shows up with a meal train and if your kids struggling with anorexia, and you're trying to do family based treatment, and refeed them and do all this stuff, like it's often crickets, people don't know what to say or do so.
Be willing to have the hard conversations and ask how to support people and ask what they need and just caring for the families and the children who are struggling and the adults, I will say the majority of our clients are ages 35 to 50. So people struggle later in life and I mean, we've got clients well into their 70s. So this is something that affects people of all ages and backgrounds. Unfortunately, it's not just the teenage years, but just having the hard conversations offering support referring out a lot of churches provide scholarships for people, if they can't afford treatment, if they can't afford therapy, that's been a beautiful thing we've seen people do because there are a lot of barriers that people encounter when trying to get the treatment that they really, they really need to flourish again. Mm hmm.
Laura Howe 26:19
What would you say is the amount of people who you think is struggling in your community in a random community because I can, I can, I can imagine people listening and even myself, I'm sitting here in my church, and in our, in the studio here that they have thinking, I don't know if I know of anyone in our church, but they probably are people.
Christie Dondero Bettwy 26:40
And that's the thing and my very unofficial research of talking to strangers on planes is I can't think of hardly a person who hasn't been like, Oh, me too, or my sister, or my brother, or my son or my mom or whatever. Like it's, people aren't talking about it, people aren't self-disclosing it and leading with that. So I would guarantee you, you do know a lot of people struggling, who either might kind of have some ambivalence about their own struggle and might not actually be calling it what it is, or people who knows someone who's struggling, who aren't talking about it with you. So the statistic that we tend to kind of think is the most, I don't know, evidence base is 28 million Americans. So about one in 10 Americans have an eating disorder at some point in their life, but then disordered eating and body image struggles dash, I would say half of people, I'd say 50% my own unofficial research,
Laura Howe 27:28
Can we break that down with the difference between eating disorder or disordered eating?
Christie Dondero Bettwy 27:33
Oh, great question.Um, so great question. So an eating disorder, you know, you think of the actual clinically diagnoseable. It's in the Diagnostic Statistical Manual for mental health disorders, the DSM talk about mouthful, so that is Anorexia, Bulimia, Binge eating disorder and then a couple other ones, there's one called OS Bed, which is otherwise specified feeding an eating disorder. We love our acronyms. And then one called ARFID, which is avoidant restrictive food intake disorder. So there are some that there's clinically diagnostic criteria you fit like, you know, you restrict this, you do this, you have these patterns.
And if you don't fit all the standards, you're often not given the diagnosis. But the idea we like the term disordered, because one, it's a little less scary, it's a little bit less intimidating and it captures more, it's really easy to be like, Well, I'm not that bad, or like, Oh, they're worse than me, or they're doing more than me, like, surely I don't have a problem. But if there's any amount of restriction, binging compensatory behavior, unhealth around food, and it's hurting your quality of life, your relationships, your faith. I mean, I think any amount of disordered behavior is something we can seek greater freedom from, like Christ has come to set us free. We don't need to live in this captivity. So the idea of disordered behavior is often normalized, but it's still problematic and hurting our health and well-being.
Laura Howe 28:54
So any behavior that is restrictive or compulsory, okay.
Christie Dondero Bettwy 28:59
For the diet for example, I'm gonna be down on diets for a minute, dieting is disordered. People might not like that. I know. I know. It's true. I know. Don't get mad at me. People get so mad at me. But you know, and not all brains, not all people are going to develop eating disorders who go on diet. Some people are more predisposed than others, there is a genetic component to this. But again, I would say it's more often than not damaging.
Laura Howe 29:23
So if you are intentionally restricting, or intentionally making a choice about what you can or cannot eat, that would be considered disordered eating.
Christie Dondero Bettwy 29:35
It would be definitely on the fringe. But I would certainly yeah, it would certainly be the starting point, yes, of disordered eating
Laura Howe 29:42
And viewing it in a negative not like oh, I had, you know, three Oreos, I'm gonna stop at that. Even though I'd love to eat the whole bag. I'm just gonna stop at that. That would be like, that's different. That's that's just self control. But you're talking about like, Oreos are bad. I cannot eat those I'm going to restrict. Yeah, there's a different mindset.
Christie Dondero Bettwy 30:03
A little bit of both. So I, this is where I become unpopular and Laura, but I would challenge you. And I think we're still gonna be friends on the three Oreo. Like, I want to eat the whole box thing. If people are actually finding freedom around food, you won't want to eat the whole box, it is wild.
It is so like, counterintuitive. I mean, and I struggled for years, and I never would have believed that I felt like I had to be like militant and restrictive and like, count the things and control the things and not keep this in my house and not do that. And like now I keep everything in my house and occasionally I have to throw it out because it goes bad or and I just forgot about it. Because it's like, oh, it was great when I had it. But I never thought about it again, because food had lost its power on me because I allowed myself to eat it when I wanted it. And we I'm not sure if you've heard of intuitive eating. That's sort of the approach I have
Laura Howe 30:53
But I would I want to I want to hear more about like, I think it's new. So I love this.
Christie Dondero Bettwy 30:57
It's great. But the idea there's 10 principles, Intuitive Eating is basically like getting back to our natural hunger fullness cues and listening to our God-given cues, versus like, trying to control them feeling guilt or shame, putting rules on things to your point feeling bad, like no food is better good. Like they're, you know, french fries have potassium in them, right? People might say, Oh, it's bad or whatever. And, of course, if you have a food allergy, like a true food allergy, or true medical condition, there are occasionally times that restriction needs to be a part of it, which is totally fair. And sometimes people are thinking they have allergies when they actually have maybe hurt their gut with restriction over the years. So it's complex in some and we're with a dietitian on for sure. But yeah, they're of course aren't good, tight. Like if people have celiac disease, they should not eat gluten. That would be bad. Don't do it. No one wants that for you or anyone around you. Right? That's very sad. So yeah, but so of course, I'm not saying never restrict things never like there are good reasons. But if you're restricting it because you think it's bad or good, or you're trying to lose weight, that is where it gets problematic.
Laura Howe 32:02
Okay, so we've talked about how to what resources you have at Rock Recovery, we talked about, what are some things to avoid in church that would maybe perpetuate this concept of disordered eating or a negative view of food and, and not be not helpful for people? Can we just change it now to ourselves as helpers? Yes, yeah. Because so many because I'm a helper, you're a helper, so many people listening are helpers and I find that food for, for us it's, it's complex, because in our busyness in the chaos of our lives of helping we often and we talk, I talk about this in compassion, fatigue trainings, and burnout trainings.
We we don't fuel ourselves or find the rest we need and it and it has a negative impact on us. And this happens a lot and I am like raising my hand the highest here saying, I often miss lunches, and I often struggle with food because I'm so busy. Absolutely.
And so it kind of messes up your you're like you said the hunger versus binging and the I'm genuinely hungry at night, but you can't eat at night, because because I didn't eat appropriate amounts of food during the day, because I'm running here, there and everywhere. And I think we're all trying to figure out that balance, okay, how can I tend to my own basic needs of rest, eating and, you know, hygiene and things like that? Well, being a primary caregiver for our families or for our loved ones, or within our workplaces. And it can be really complicated and difficult.
Christie Dondero Bettwy 33:45
It's such a hard question. And I feel like such a hypocrite sometimes to talk about.
Laura Howe 33:52
That's why I'm saying I'm raising my hands
Christie Dondero Bettwy 33:54
At least we're both like confessing and repenting together. That's good. That's good. Yeah, you know, the whole, you know, corny, like oxygen mask principle, though, on the airplane, right? You don't put yours on first, you can't help other people.
And it's true and why we stopped like, why we don't do it. I don't know, other than, I mean, a lot of it, I think is a great heart of desire to serve. And for me a lot of it is a great desire to get things done and like the good stuff. So that's like the other like shadow not great side of the, of the desire to serve and help people.
And so I think yeah, but we are no good to others if we're not taking care of ourselves. And we I've even noticed this in my team here at recovery and in our in ourselves and like, gosh, we ran hard for a long time because you know, we're so unique and we've had a waiting list there's so much to do.
And I'm like we've got to stop for a minute or else we're all gonna fall apart and be no good to anybody else. So I've been kind of thinking through what that means. And I love that you mentioned rest because I think yes, food, staying hydrated, all those things matter. So does rest so does our emotional connections really honestly one of the worst things we do is probably isolate ourselves. And that's really one of the damaging things for our health that no sleeping than anything else. Those things can make a huge, huge difference for our health and our well being. So just remembering like, we're humans too. And I don't know about you, but I feel like remembering that I'm not God. Like turns out I can't do it all. Weird, huh?
Laura Howe 35:16
I know that. That amazing realization is oh, wait, I have limitations. Oh, I'm a human. Yeah. Yeah, what I've been really focusing on lately is stewarding, how can I steward what God has given? And that's our bodies as well. Right? Like, how can I rest? How can I fuel? How can I hydrate? How can I connect? How can I you know, sleep because I have to steward the body that God gave me and to steward the time that I have and, and as well as the gifts and the finances and we when we think of stewardship, we think of finances, but this year, that's kind of what I'm focusing on stewarding what God has given? And that's my health as well. Yeah, absolutely.I am tearing up.
Christie Dondero Bettwy 35:59
Yeah, it's true. And you matter to right, like God loves you, and not just the people you're serving. And that feels weird sometimes to accept care and to accept people caring for you, in addition to you going to care for others, but yeah, you know, we're human, and it's okay to receive and to give.
Laura Howe 36:17
Yeah, I just want to make sure people hear that. But this, this conversation about eating disorders, isn't just the clinical or the, the very edge of what we think of is anxiety or bulimia, but this is it encompasses so many different things, and helping others but it also includes our own well being as well, and how we have our relationship with food. And and in doing that and doing this work.
Christie Dondero Bettwy 36:48
And how we feel about ourselves. Can I tell you a random story that just came to mind? Sure. It's about body image. Okay, great. I'm like I, this one always comes up for me. But I think this, this happened to me many years ago, I was about two years into my recovery process. But this was a very, like, aha lights on moment for me. Where, you know, my therapist had been saying, you know, body image is about basically how you feel about yourself, not about how you look. And I think that was really hard for me to believe because for so long, I felt like I had to look a certain way. So often, we feel like we have to do these things to please people, whether it be about our bodies, or about what we're doing or other things, right. We often feel like we need to please people and kind of check these boxes. But I had not looked at mirrors for a while when I was going through treatment, because I just felt really critical. But remember, one morning I was going into work because working for Habitat for Humanity, the best place and I like looked in the mirror before I left and I was like, I look good today. Like I was like, I feel confident like, like my outfit hair looking good extra blonde, like, you know, felt really good about myself. And I got in the car, drove to work, got my little cubicle open my email, and I had was doing fundraising, which is like the worst for someone who hates rejection like me. I'm like, Why do I keep doing fundraising? This is the hardest job. But I opened my email and I got a rejection for a grant that I had written. And I like didn't want to cry at my cubicle. So I went in the bathroom and nd I looked in the mirror and I thought to myself, I look hideous. Like, why did I ever wear this? Like, what is wrong with me? I'm disgusting. And like, you've literally been 17 minutes, like nothing had happened between those two things, except I felt, I felt disappointed. I felt like a failure, I felt not good enough. Like, I had all these feelings that I wasn't naming. And so instead of actually sitting with them, feeling with them, taking them to God praying, you know, I just turned on myself and I started to beat myself up and be like, you should be doing this, you shouldn't be doing that. Like I just I got really mean and really like task mastery. And it was just such a pivotal moment. For me. I was like, Whoa, like, this is what this is what it is. It's how I feel about myself not about like this external thing. And I think that's true across all of our lives. Like if we really do know, we're loved like know who and whose we are, we operate differently and it's easy to fall out of that. But that for me was a really like game-changing moment of like, who am I living for and like where I'm actually finding my worth and my identity and man yeah, that was a really pivotal moment for me.
Laura Howe 39:05
I love that so good. So good. So when you think back to the beginning of when you found Jesus you are in your recovery exploring that time of your life okay, God Where are you taking this Where are you taking me? If you could now send yourself a letter or a voicemail to what you know now back to your younger self what would you tell yourself.
Christie Dondero Bettwy 39:37
Well, you're gonna make me tear up? Gosh, I mean I think I mean this I think just like like God is who He says He is like that this you know that God really is faithful and I don't know like that you're gonna be okay that there is a plan for you that there's so much more.
I mean, in so many ways, and I look back on the last 15 years really since my recovery, and since kind of coming on the scene with Rock Recovery. I've wanted to grow faster. I wanted to do things differently. I felt like kind of, I should be better at this. Why is this so hard? Bla bla bla, but I look back. And I'm like, No, God really was faithful. And God really does. God knows what he's doing, apparently and maybe I don't. So I think just kind of remembering to take things one step at a time one day at a time and have some grace, for myself would have been really helpful. Yeah, and just that it's worth it. That's one thing, I'll say, as I as I look back, I think, you know, better is one day in your courts and a thousand elsewhere. And for me how I always articulated that before I knew scripture was like, my worst day with God was better than my best day without him, you know, like, and that is just true. So I think just kind of staying true to that and remembering that because that, yeah, that was really, really kind of what came to mind for me.
Laura Howe 41:01
I love it. Thank you so much, Christie for joining us. Thank you for sharing your wisdom being vulnerable and thank you for following God's call and being willing to take risks, being willing to be vulnerable and to step out in the scary places, and create something that so many people can benefit from. So thank you very much.
Christie Dondero Bettwy 41:23
Thank you. It's a joy being with you today.
Laura Howe 41:27
Hey, thanks for listening. I encourage you to put what you've heard into action. Consider how your language and your support might be perpetuating unhealthy body image and eating and those that you support and serve. And please check out Rock Recovery, as they have a ton of resources for your church and for individuals. Eating Disorders and body image issues are so common, but not really talked about especially not in church. So please share this episode with a friend so we can grow awareness in our faith communities and of course, if you want to be reminded when an episode goes live, make sure you follow thanks for connecting take care
